Day 76: My quest to get well

Day 76: day 75 post is up- I just didn't type "day 75" at the beginning.

Day 76 of what? Well 2 things. My quest to get well- really well. Time for the next phase in my 21-year journey in reclaiming every last shred of my health and leaving no stone unturned. And day 76 of the nutritional cleanse program I started on sept. 24.

Sept 23, my rhuematologist (after 21 years I'm still not sure how to spell that!) got my labs back and wrote me a prescription for oral chemo. I've been on it before. It's expensive, it gives me diarrhea and body odor, and increases risk of lymphoma, leukemia, and a fatal brain infection.
What's not to love?

And this is a "maintenance" drug- meaning the plan is usually to get and stay on it. (My eulogy: "how sad she died of a brain infection. We will all remember her for her songs, her humor, but most of all her BO and frequent bathroom trips").

All along I've believed that my illness was caused by something. Not sin, or genetics or bad luck (but thanks for those theories, well-meaning friends!), but plain old cause and effect. And so I think back to when things changed.

Certainly the year before I got sick was very stressful. But in my heart I know things changed several years before that, after my wisdom tooth extraction. I've always known that. I just finally found someone who could fix it!

I'm only halfway through the process (opened up then filled the 2 left cavitations), and it was no walk in the park. And yes my mouth hurts right now. But I've had much worse.

I look forward to filling the other 2 craters in my jaw, making it whole again. And having that be a big part of making me whole again.

I don't think I would be dealing with the aftermath as well if I hadn't spent the last 73 days eating super clean food. It's all a big puzzle. Hoping these are the last couple pieces.

I slept on the sofa last night and will again tonight, propped up to prevent hemorrhaging. Geez medical words are hard to spell! Enema! Ok not that one. Anyway I slept 12 hours (barely slept night before surgery - much anxiety) and today I got to eat.

And now for some mindless tv.

Carla
The Singing Patient
http://thesingingpatient.com/  

Dental surgery results

I have stitches in my gums after more than 2 hours in the dentist's chair. Rooting around where my wisdom teeth were extracted long ago.

I have long felt that was the day, at age 19, when my health started going downhill. I was in bed for a month.

I had previously gone on long bike rides, marched with a tuba and done back-to-back aerobics records. Sometimes all in 1day. After the wisdom tooth extraction (all 4), When I exerted myself too much, I felt "green," like I was hungover (I wasn't) and needed to barf.

Dr cut open 2 of the sites today and found sclerotic bone (essentially dead bone) and big holes in my jawbone where it didn't heal post-surgery. When he saw those holes, and how huge they were, he said "see? You're not crazy!" I've never had a health professional say that to me before...

I've essentially had a slow-drip bacteria feed from the inside of my gums into my sinuses and beyond all this time.

As I lay there trying not to be fully present, I thought back on the time after the original surgery and connected the dots. Why I now think my body didn't heal from the 1st surgery: the dentist told me with great emphasis that I absolutely must finish my course of antibiotics so I wouldn't get infections. I had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics (head-to-toe burning rash), but I kept taking them, for fear of infection. So I stayed in state of severe allergic reaction for 2 weeks. Pretty sure that left my body no resources with which to heal my jawbone.

How ironic. By suffering through severe allergy in order to avoid infection I ended up with... A long-term infection.

I still have to get the 2 sites on my right side done. And I will. But I'm not scheduling it right this second... I barely slept at all last night, dreading this day. That's how convinced I an that the wisdom tooth extraction was the beginning of my serious health problems.

So convinced I will subject myself to something I fear dread and loathe (dental surgery!), and pay for it out of pocket! (Procedure is neither mainstream nor covered by insurance).

Had breakfast and a snack before surgery, but No more food til tomorrow. Can't risk opening up surgery sites. I'm not screwing this up twice!!!

When I got home our dog came up to me on the sofa and sniffed my mouth - no kisses, just sniffing. Then curled up on my feet to comfort me. She's so smart. She and joe watching over me in the "recovery room" (our living room).

 

Carla
The Singing Patient
http://thesingingpatient.com/  

She-hulk!

Days 73, 74: ran out of stevia-sweetened dark chocolate. Oh, the cravings!

Visited friends in the Bronx Saturday. Got delicious takeout gluten-free (no cheese) pizza. Our friend suggested twice that we all go out for frozen yogurt. I changed the topic... And dodged the social dessert trap!

And we ended up having a great time playing with the kids (5-yr old twin boys- they did my hair!), then (after bedtime), the 2 guys doing Kung fu and 2 gals talking about teaching.

Sunday was a day at home so no major challenges, except my lack of chocolate on hand and my rising anxiety about my oral surgery Monday afternoon... It'll all be over in 14-15 hours.
Oh and started exercise Saturday. Just strength training. That usually goes well with me- I put on muscle pretty easily. She-hulk! Paint me green.

Carla
The Singing Patient
http://thesingingpatient.com/  

Emotional eating

Day 72: got upset about something. Didn't have anyone to talk to, too gross out for a walk... So I overate.

Emotional eating. Haven't done that in a long time.

Small consolation- everything I indulged in was healthy. Plant-based protein shakes, clean protein bars (non gmo, no soy etc). I just had more than I should've. I wanted a big bag of chocolate!!!

In the future I need to have some strategies lined up- a list of friends to call (no one person is always available), and some kind of indoor way to blow off steam since it's gonna be gross outside the majority of the time for the next 4-5 months.

I'm not toxic- I didn't eat sugar or foods I'm allergic to. So... There's that anyway. And today, after my double portions of high-fiber plant protein, I almost clogged the toilet!

Carla
The Singing Patient
http://thesingingpatient.com/  

Refreshed and focused

Day 71: up early- yet feeling refreshed! A productive day, feeling focused.

Got a massage. Awkwardly, ran into the guy I used to make appointments with. I think I will switch back to him. New guy talks too much. Of course the other guy has such a thick accent that I can barely understand him.

Didn't weigh myself. Fought major chocolate cravings late in the evening. Probably due to end-of-long-day fatigue. But I won!

Having weird tmj symptoms for no discernible reason. Just my jaw making noises. No pain, no headaches. Odd.

Pretty sure I will be crashing at a reasonable hour tonight- who is this person?

Carla
The Singing Patient
http://thesingingpatient.com/