Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Straight Poop

OK, people, it's time to give you the straight poop. Well, actually it's more likely shaped like a question mark. Yesterday, I ate so many carrots, including a glass of carrot juice that today my poop was orange. Upon sharing this, I heard back from my friends who eat lots of spinach and get green poop, and those who eat loads of beets and have fushia poop. Who says poop has to be brown? Poop the rainbow my friends!

The great thing about eating something brightly colored, then seeing it in your poop, is that you now know how long it takes food to pass through your digestive system. If you've ever changed diapers, you know that just a few hours after feeding the baby peas, you get green poop. Healthy babies digest very quickly.

The fact is, as we get older, most of us here in the US don't poop enough, and we don't look at our poop, and neither do our doctors. But poop and poop habits (or lack thereof) can tell you a lot about a person's health. So let's talk poop.

According to Dr. Oz, who talks about poop a LOT on his show, "You should see a doctor if you poop more than four times a day or if you don’t go to the bathroom at least every other day.   To help cure constipation eat things like fiber, probiotics (yogurt, kefir) and drink lots of water.  You should also read Dr Oz’s segment on Constipation Causes, because there are other things that can constipate you, even if you drink lots of water and eat plenty of fiber.  Also, overuse of laxatives can cause constipation."

Know what else causes constipation? Narcotics.Yes, voice of experience here.

Know what can cause the other extreme, over-pooping? Celiac disease, IBS, Crohn's, and food sensitivities, such as gluten intolerance or lactose intolerance (anyone here watch the Big Bang Theory where Leonard always has a poopfest if he eats dairy? New meaning to "big bang"...). And in my experience, overconsumption of caffeine. Pooparama!

Speaking of Dr. Oz and his frequent poop-themed segments, I thought bodily functions were not allowed on network TV... unless, I guess, you have a white lab coat on. hmm, maybe if I sing my poop songs in a white lab coat, I can get onto more radio stations. Wait... you can't see my clothes on the radio...

Well, this is internet, and for now it's uncensored, so please enjoy today's theme song, The Colon. Keep eating healthy fiber, drinking plenty of water, and enjoying your quality time in the small room with one seat (hopefully only one seat).

Happy healthy pooping to you all!
And in the spirit of Triumph the Insult Dog, this was a great blog topic....
for me to POOP ON!

Carla Ulbrich
The Singing Patient
Author of "How Can You NOT Laugh at a Time Like This?"