Wednesday, May 5, 2010

massively humerus

OK well after all this wondering what all my shoulder pain is about, we have something of an answer. We've all been guessing at what it might be. If you're looking for a frozen shoulder to cry on, you'll have to look somewhere else. My shoulder is not frozen. i have a mass on my arm. The humerus, to be exact. The funny bone. the one that runs from your elbow to your shoulder. The only funny thing about this is what runs through the mind when you finally get a diagnosis for something you've been suffering with for years: "a HA! it's real! i told you so! Oh crap! it's real! is it going to kill me?"

A mass. that sounds so... massive. What does it mean? a mass of what? So of course I can't get any kind of game plan or more specific diagnosis until I go to an orthopedic guy/ gal. Sign. I hate limbo. I don't even like to do the limbo. But I can't go to the doctor anytime in the next couple days. I do guitar lessons and performances. I can't just cancel those unless i'm nearly dead. So I have to just get through the next few days then see if I can get into the specialist.

First the MRI. Then the XRays. Backwards, I know. Next I may have to get a catscan. What's the difference between a catscan and an MRI? Is the clanking sound more annoying? My right arm is getting so many pictures of it, it's starting to feel like Lindsay Lohan. If I don't look out it's going to start running around drunk to dance clubs with no panties on and buying designer clothes. And my left arm is getting a complex. "Hey I'm cute! Someone take a picture of me! How come the bad arm gets all the attention?"

I'm so tired of doctor appointments. where's my *&^* lollipop?

My theory is that it's arthritis caused by guitar playing. Or too many wise cracks, trying too hard to be massively humerus.

update: June 4. Geez it's a whole month later and all I've managed to do is get to the orthopedic guy (who was a jerk) and all I got from him is it's a tumor. Now I gotta go to an orthopedic oncologist. And maybe get some radioactive crap shot into me for yet another test. And/ or biopsy. Meanwhile thanks to acupuncture and massage, I am no longer in any pain. I still have yet to get my lollipop though.
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