Friday, August 22, 2008

Jaw-dropping day at the dentist

oh if only my dentist was as wacky as Steve Martin.
so far, i have survived visit 2 of 3 scheduled visits in the remodeling of my mouth (structural, not cosmetic- getting my first cleaning in 14 years, 2 molars restored with porcelain and a nightguard made. you night-grinders know what this is: we get to look like Rocky every night. Such a turnon! the only thing sexier than seeing your mate wearing a big rubber mouthguard is watching them take it out and seeing spit flying everywhere. Oh yeah!)

i have dental insurance (thank you, hubby's job) so about 2/3 of the cost is covered so far, but i fear i may be about to hit a cap. or is it a crown. HAHAHAHA. just a little tongue-in-cheek humor. HAHAHAHAHA
no they didn't give me laughing gas. and dang i coulda used some. my fear and loathing of the dentist outstrips my fears of both new york city and Best Buy. stay tuned to lupusandhumor and learn all Carla's neuroses, one by one.

the worst part for me is the novacaine shot. crap it hurts! i had to get 2 shots today- 1st one wasn't enough. i hate shots, i hate needles, i get more of each every year than McCain has houses. i never get used to it. you're being injured when someone stabs you in the vein and takes out, oh 20 vials of blood. but that's another story, one covered quite thoroughly on my "Sick Humor" CD and in my previous blogs.

Anyway today's visit was 3 hours and $750. oh but they validated my parking, so that was free.

Next time, and I'm not kidding, I'm bringing a blanket (too cold in there), sunglasses (flourescent light glaring in my eyes), a teddy bear, and Joe to drive me because- no kidding- I'm going to dope up on either attivan or a muscle relaxer. or both. they'll have to hold my jaw open. i'll be so zonked i'll have to wear wear a bucket to catch my drool. I'm exaggerating- but this is what I must promise myself, if I am to get motivated to go back for more torture in 2 weeks. I think i've found something I hate more than a pap smear.

When I told the dentist that i had these drugs in my cabinet (ok, bowl of bottles on my counter, not very feng shui, but i never forget my important meds), she looked jealous and said "wow." i told her if she wanted lupus, she could probably get some heavy drugs too (but I don't recommend it). It drives me crazy when people get jealous of folks with lupus ("oh i wish I could lay in the bed and read!"- after I had a stroke! I wished I could lay in the bed and read, too, but i see spots and zig zags all day long!) Point is, if your life is so messed up that you're jealous of someone with a debilitating chronic illness, first of all, keep it to yourself, and second of all, it's time for you to change your situation. Oy!

Anyway to find out why I'm putting myself through all this, tune in later for That's Inflammatory! Part 5
(I have no idea how many parts there will be to this series! I'll keep writing til my sed rate is zero).
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