Sunday, April 20, 2008

So what's on Your Mind (Sorry i asked)

I got an MRI a few months ago. The rheumatologist really didn't say anything about the MRI results except "you have sinusistis" (duh, i have been blowing my nose for 15 years, ever since that first spring after I started taking prednisone) and "there is a cyst on your brain." (there's always something on my mind, but not usually literally) and "see you in 3 months" (I assume that last comment meant i'd live at least another 3 months).

I think maybe she said it was nothing to worry about, but then it's not her brain, so why should she be worried? Personally, I love my brain. It is my favorite part of me. The rest of me falls apart. sometimes I look good, even great (if i do say so myself), but most of the time I don't look as good as I would have if I didn't have lupus and a bunch of drugs in my system. I'm usually frustrated with my bloating face/ ankles and my thinning/ regrowing hair, and of cousre my extra 15 pounds or so. but my brain, it always works. I have a lot of fun with my brain. i would be very lonely without it.

On the other hand, there is this musician out there who has a cancerous brain tumor and he has been touring and making a living and doing just great for *years* past his death prognosis- it's like the big scare gave him a new lease on life. hasn't affected his congnitive abilities at all.

On yet another hand (3 hands- tough time finding shirts!), my aunt just died of brain cancer and did lose some cognitive function in the last 6 months. of course that could have been the drugs.

Well, as they say in 12-step, just for today i have a brain that works and a blog and a lupus listserv to type in my stream of consciousness to, who respond back with kindness and reciprocal playfulness. if i had never had an MRI i'd have never known about the cyst. and they aren't going to do anything about it anyway. so i need to learn to just let it go i suppose.

You know if i were a saint then making fun of my cyst would be SAC-religious.

maybe i misunderstood when someone said "put a sock in it."
(oh i thought "you said put a sac in it")

I could keep up with the puns, but not everyone is so *fluid* in English.
cyst... fluid...? oh never mind.

Normally I'd make these jokes with my hubby but i don't think i want to remind him there's this "thing" in my brain. But I figure if you're reading my blog, you probably have lupus and you can handle the topic. We all feel like health time bombs at some point.

from my listserv pals:

" Carla, let us know what that means. Did
you ask

for a-cyst-ance? .Let us know what it
means. You are in my thoughts. We need you. Jesse
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